Open letter to Lance Armstrong re: scheduling conflict

Dear Lance,

Don't be such a p*ssy! I know you like to control your own destiny and guarantee your self victory in everything you do, but life doesn't always work that way. Especially not in mountain biking. Are you really that scared of Landis? You can kick his scrawny metal hipped ass in the Leadville 100, can't you?

You know this doesn't look good? A scheduling conflict? Couldn't you come up with something better than that? It better be a family conflict. Otherwise, what could be so important. A wedding, graduation, a child's recital maybe could be understood and forgiven, but you have to tell us that. Did you get a new P.R. rep? I'm surprised at this amateurish announcement at this time.

The initial damage is done, but all is not lost. Here's what I would do to immediately repair the situation. You need to identify another high profile endurance mountain bike race and announce your intentions to race right away. That way you can still hide behind the conflict thing, but claim that it is still a goal to compete at a high level in a new facet of cycling. Maybe you should do one of the endurance stage races like Trans Rockies or even the new Seven race? How about a 24hour race?

Move quickly my friend.

Sincerely,
Go Clipless

(via BikingBis)